


Apollo: God of Sick Beats.

by cosmogyral_phosphenes



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Bromance, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Internal Conflict, Love at First Sight, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pining, Somnophilia, dave being an idiot, john has internalized homophobia but well talk about that later, sorta?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2020-10-18 18:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20643770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmogyral_phosphenes/pseuds/cosmogyral_phosphenes
Summary: Apollo. God of archery, music and dance, truth and prophecy, healing and diseases, the Sun and light, poetry, sick beats, and more. Apollo. Intermediary between the gods and men. Apollo. One of Greek mythology's most important gods, a beardless, youthful, and athletic figure. Apollo. Currently entering a college under the name Dave Strider to get closer to a dorky human named John Egbert.  Why do people worship him again?





	1. And They Were Roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based on a drawing from this page https://homestuck-betakids.tumblr.com/tagged/dave+strider/page/53

You don't know all that happened in between. One minute you're sitting down, talking to your younger brother Hermes about how “just because he's the god of thieves, doesn't mean he can steal from you”, and the next you watching a sorta short black-haired man walking across the street. 

Since you about 40,000 miles above the ground so you can't work out most of his features, but you can tell that he has pale (almost cloud white) skin and thick-rimmed glasses, with short black curly hair that goes over his ears. One second you're admiring the human, the next you're begging your father to let you go down to earth. 

  
“Bro come on man!” Your standing up and rolling your eyes as you Father looks at you with the most condescending looks you've ever seen.

“Apollo, no. I'm not gonna let you go down to earth and put every god and goddess ever in jeopardy, just cause you wanna see some boy you don't even know.”

“That's not why I wanna see him! I just wanna get to know him better.”

“Then lose your v-card and your god statues to and for a _ fucking _ human?” 

Ok. MAYBE he has a point, but the way he says it makes the plan sound a lot dumber than it is.

“Dude. please. I'm gonna be fine. I'm not gonna have sex with him. I'm not gonna marry him or get in a relationship with him either. Just gonna talk to him and then maybe become his friend. That way I can still talk to him without, ya know, ghosting him completely. Don't wanna hurt his feelings. 

“Are you dense kid? You've been watching this kid for weeks. You've never even looked at a human longer than five seconds Lil man. Listen, you're gonna end up falling in love with him, make your friend Eros shot him with an arrow, then boom! You lose your powers, everyone will forget about what you did in history, but hey, at least you lose your virginity!” 

“I'm NOT gonna fall in love with him! He just looks like a nice guy man! Look, did I give you shit for letting Hermes go down to talk to that adventure guy?” No. you didn't give him shit. He left you guys for 3 hours (which is 3 months in mortal time) to talk to some guy who likes adventure and talked like a character from A Clockwork Orange, a movie that Hermes wouldn't stop raving about after one of his dates with the guy.

“Because that guy was special”

“Right. How do you know this guy isn't?”  


“Lighting shit you don't even know his name.” he runs his hands through his hair. “Fuck it. Go ahead Lil man. Lose your powers. Get married. See if I care.”

One second you're begging your father to let you go down to earth, the next your enrolling in Skaia, an expensive music school in Washington DC to get closer to this mystery man, much to the disapproval of your twin sister, Artemis.

“Apollo, I think you have outdone yourself with how stupid your stunts .”

“Oh come on _ Rose _.” Last year, Artemis and your half-sister Persophone went under the names Rose and Roxy Lalonde talk to 2 mortal girls named Kanaya and Jane. you don't think it went well because they were only gone for 1 minute (1 week in human time) and they immediately went to visit Persophone's dear friend Dionysus for some free wine. None of you talk about it.

“Bringing that up is the lowest thing you could do right now. Besides, you know I'm right. You don't know his name, how old he is, or if he's even gay.” You roll your eyes.

“How many times do I have to say this? I'm not doing this to get an intimate relationship. I'm doing this to become his friend.”

“That sounds exactly like me, Persephone, and Hermes said before we proceeded to get into a relationship. Look, I love you Apollo, and as someone who loves you very much and your only whole sister I will say this: you are more of an imbecile then Hermes and Pandora.”

After some great words of encouragement from your dear sister Artemis, you have your younger brother Hermes drop you off in front of the dorms

“Dude. This-”

“Listen, man if your gonna start telling me how irresponsible I'm being, or how dumb this is, I already know. It's fine if things go south. I can handle it, man.

“But can you? You have almost no experience outside of Olympus, yet you keep talking about how you can handle it and how you know the consequences and how it's fine. We both know that's utter bullshit.”

You both sit in his ugly orange car for a couple of humans minutes before you sigh deeply out of your nose. 

“Well man, there's not much I can do about it now is there? I’ll learn to handle it damn it. Besides, it's gonna be a good educational experience.”

Hermes chuckles softly. “Well big bro, ill see you in like, God knows how long this will last.” 

You give your brother a fist bump before getting out of the car. Artemis and Persephone are going to help you move in, so you only have 2 bags of clothes with you. You look down at your paper with your building information.

  
  


STUDENT NAME: DAVE STRIDER

BUILDING: LEFT CAMPUS BUILDING 3

FLOOR: 2

DORM ROOM: 345

ROOMMATE: JOHN EGBERT

TERM: FULL

“John Egbert huh?” you say aloud to yourself. It doesn't sound like the name of your mystery man, but that's ok. You'll see each other soon enough. You head down to the left side of the campus.

  


* * *

You continue to wait eagerly for your new roommate as a million different thoughts are going through your head. Your last roommate switched dorms after 2 months of living with you. Some people don't appreciate being pranked every morning but that isn't important. What's important is if your new roommate is one of those people. You don't wanna have another hungover agreement over whether your roomie will leave or not. You don't wanna walk into the common area again chasing after your roommate like he's your girlfriend. But that isn't even halfway important right now. Your not gonna let it happen. You don't know why it's so important that your roommate likes you, but it is so here you are contemplating every bad thing that could happen in the next five mi- 

“Hello?”

A crash of a door leaves you looking like a startled cat in the middle of your bedroom, with on thing races in your mind.

Oh mY fucking gOD he's here omg ogmogmghererererhere he's here-

“John? Uh, I dunno if your here, but I'm your new roommate.” Your new roommate. Is. fucking. here.

“Hi! I'm John, you must be dave right? I’ll be your roommate for the next couple of years!” you try to say as sweetly as you physical can while giving him a cheerful smile.

Dave just kinda stares at you like instead of a 21-year-old, you're a yeti with dicks as eyes.

“Uh, I- hi. Yeah, yeah um I'm, I'm Dave. Strider. Dave Strider.” He shifts from foot to foot uncomfortably as he stammers. You hope that you didn't mess up already.

“So,” you continue rather awkwardly. “I don't think we have any classes together, but if you want help around campus or just help in general, then don't be afraid to ask!” with that you went back to your room, not waiting for an answer. You didn't wanna fuck this up any further than you already have.


	2. A Short Conversation.

YOU:AND I JUST LEFT HIM THERE!

YOU: LIKE

YOU: A

YOU: IDIOT

JANEYBABY: you seem upset!

YOU: GOOD

YOU: i AM upset!

YOU: at

YOU: my

YOU: SELF!!!

YOU: >:(

YOU: Why didnt i just stay and talk to him a bit?

YOU: WHy am i such an idiot?

YOU: This must be why my old roommate didn't like me

YOU: :(

JANEYBABY: Johnny!

JANEYBABY: Before you make any rash decisions

JANEYBABY:Lets review fora sec

JANEYBABY: For weeks you've had anxiety over whether or not your new roommate will like you.

JANEYBABY: And his reaction to you made you even more scared!

JANEYBABY: so!

JANEYBABY: cousin janey's solution is....

JANEYBABY: DRUMROLL PLEASE!!

YOU: badumbadumbaumbaum...

JANEYBABY: TALK TO HIM!!!

JANEYBABY: ask him what bothered him so much!

YOU: ok

YOU: I know that that plan SEEMS good!

YOU: but what if im right?

YOU: what if 

YOU: what if he really doesnt like me?!

JANEYBABY: then he doesnt!

JANEYBABY: you can figure out why and talk about it!

JANEYBABY: but i HIGHLY doubt that he hates you.

JANEYBABY: who could hate such a cutie face!

JANEYBABY: now janey is going to finsidh comforting jake.

JANEYBABY: go get em tiger!

YOU: wait jane NO

* * *

She's offline. You look thoughtfully at your clock, then your closed and locked door. 10 minutes have passed. Dave probably thinks your dead. Welp. it's now or never. You hoist yourself up of the bed and tiptoe to your door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im very swrry i messed up the pesterlogs so your left with this.


	3. What Do Nic Cage, Ectoplasm, and Regina George Have In Common?

You're sitting on your bed letting what just happened to fester inside you. Not only is this mystery man your roommate but he's also locked up in his room. Currently, you're sitting on your bed, contemplating whether you should bail. But god damn he's so cute.

Just as you guessed, he has curly black hair that goes over his ears and almost falls over his beautiful ocean blue eyes. His cheeks red when he told you his name, and he went complete red just before he left the room. He has long, feminine lashes and thick eyebrows that look like they've been done recently. His face is lightly graced with light brown freckles, a couple of which going over his pink lips and fluffy cheeks.

You could only think of how cute all of that is, but then mentally chew yourself up for thinking that.

Apollo NO bad apollo john friend no cute bad Apollo bay Apollo bay apollo bay-

3 knocks at the door.  
  
“Dave uh, can we talk?” Your hear a cherry like voice come from the door. For a second, you debate whether you should let him in.

But just for a second.

“Sure man.”

The door creaks open, and in appears john in a robe.

“Uh, hi.” He looks nervous, like your his mom and he kicked his ball into the underworld.

“Hey.” You metally thank hermes for the sun glasses. Mortals don't have red orange and purple eyes. Not only that, but they hide how you feel, and that is amazing.

“So uh, sorry for running out like that. I was sorta nervous.” he rubs the back of his neck timidly before looking down.

So he is shy. Huh.

“No worries man. I get nervous sometimes too.” you smile and shrug “It happens sometimes. You turn back to unpacking. Apparently, what they meant by “helping you unpack” was dropping off some mortal stuff you bought. Why do mortals need so much shit?

“Hey uh,”john awkwardly starts “do you want me to help you unpack? It looks like you have a lot of stuff.” he gestures towards the piles of boxes around the room. “Looks like you could use a hand.”

“Sure. thanks man.” you smile and turn back to one of the boxes.

“So, what are you majoring in?” he asks as he pulls at the tape on one of the boxes.

“Music. I start classes tomorrow.”

“Oh really? Which one?”

“Commercial.” You are the god of it.

“NO WAY MAN! I'M MAJORING IN COMMERCIAL TOO!” He stops unpacking to put his hands to his face and shake them excitedly while jumping up and down. “WHEN DO YOU START?”

“Uh, tomorrow i think?”

He gasps and his smile grows wider. “ME TOO! I CAN WALK YOU TO CLASS!” He continues to jump excitedly while smiling ear to ear. “THIS IS SO COOL!” he runs up to you and grabs your hands. He puts his face close to yours that you can see your reflection in his glasses. You can feel your cheeks get hot. 

“WHO DO YOU HAVE?” he puts his hands on your shoulders and shakes you. “Uh, Mr.Vantas something equaly as stupid.” John smile opens up an his eyes grow wide as he starts letting out howls of laughter.

“AFHGSHGDGDJSHDAG- ACK-” he lets out a noise that sounds like a human keyboard smash and grabs his sides. “Uh, are you ok? You look like your in pain.” you kneel on the floor and put your hand on jordans side and he immediately starts swatting away your hand. “Ye, y**Ea** i just im,-”

He takes a deep breath before finishing his sentence.”His name is Mr.Vantas. If you say THAT in front of him, hed find someway to get you kicked out.” He shrugs. “His kd wouldn't though.” He giggles one last time before going back to unpacking.

“Ya know, i've always liked music. I've been playing the piano since I was 3, and i'm pretty good i guess.” You could practically HEAR the smile in his voice. “Oh yeah? How do you want to make a profession out of it?” you ask. Ok. Standard, mortal question. College students ask that, right?

“I wanna become either a professional pianist or someone who plays the music for movies.” 

So, NOW we've reached a problem. You have no idea what a movie is. Maybe it's some sort of entertainment. You just watched humans and messed around with them with Eros. Maybe its like that? You try to hide the confusion in your voice.

”Movies? Like what?” he perks up quick and turns around. He started shaking his fists and jumping up and down. ”CON-AIR!” he giggles. You don't think there;s a way to lie to yourself out of this one. “I've never heard of that one.” you shrug and he gasps like you've murderer his mother, which doesn't happen to mortals as much as gods you guss. 

“YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF CON-AIR?!?!?!!?!??” He looks like he's either, confused or horrified.

“Nope. don't really watch movies. Not even the classics.”

“So you've NEVER heard of Ghostbusters? Mean Girls? Star Wars?”

“Nope, nope, and nope.”

He gasps loudly again and grabs your hands. “DAVID ELIZEBETH STRIDER, WE ARE HAVING A MOVIE MARATHON EVEN IF ITS THE LAST THING I DO!” he shakes your hands with each syllable.

“Uh, let's finish unpacking first. We only have 6 more boxes.” your yank your hands out of his and ignore how fast your hearts beating as you turn around and take out…2 cement blocks. 

You look over too john. He takes out 2 wood planks then turns around and gestures towards them with an expression that says ‘what the hell is this for you weirdo?’. 

“Uh… here, lemme see that.” you walk up to him and take the cement blocks and plakes. You have no fucking idea what your supposed to do with theese, but you improvise. You put the cement blocks on their sides and put the plaques on top. You turn around and look at him.

“See? This is how me and my siblings do it.” You shrug. “We always broke the desks rough housing.” alrighty. Sounds like a valid excuse. John makes an ‘o’ shape with his mouth and turns around to keep unpacking.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

You and John finished unpacking and setting your stuff up at about 9:30pm. Persophone and Aretmis thought it would be funny to give you a douchey personality. But you don't care about your persona.

You still have to meet the dean, get your schedule, and get more school supplies. But that can wait till tomorrow. Right now, you have a movie marathon to get through. 

Your sitting in you living room with john eating popcorn watching a crappy action scene from Con-Air. At first you thought you'd immediately like it since it was something so new, but it was so bad you almost cry. You look over to john. He's smiling widely while watching the scene in amazement. You can't help but to notice even more perfect about him. The fact that his blue eyes grow wide when he sees some something funny before laughing, and how the colors on the tv reflect on his pale skin. The way his perfectly kissable lips open and his breath hitches at anytime there's an explosion. The way his perfectly holdable cheeks get dimples while he cries at the end of mean girls and the fact that he said, “Glen Coco just kinda resonates with me.” or “Fetch should be a word in everyone's vocabulary.”. The little things that make you do a double take. Your to busy thinking about your feelings to notice that the movies are over and now it's your turn.

“C’mon, you have to like at least one.” John playfully hits your shoulder.

“John, i haven't seen one. I've only heard about one called A Clockwork Orange.”

“OH, thats the movie that my cousin jake likes! He saw it on a date with his ex, but then Dirk just kinda disappeared.” 

“Wait what?” Jake saw a movie with a guy named dirk. Dirk disappeared one day. Hermes knows what a movie is and raves about them all day long. Hermes is dirk. Jake is dating Hermes. John is Jake's cousin. Your falling in love with the cousin of your broth-

“HEY!”

Johns yelling takes you out of your explanation. “Oh hey sorry dude. You chuckle. “I didn't really pay attention.” 

“Nah its ok. It's getting late anyways. Let's go to bed alright?” John get up and takes out the dvd right when one of the guys catch a soul or something. He turn of the tv and faces you as you get up. 

“Y’know, i thought that we wouldn't get along. Like i though that you wouldnt like me cause i fuck stuff up sometimes and that you would swtich dorms with .”

“And now?” your worried he has the wrong impression of you.

“I think that we'll be fine.” hur walks away and goes to his room and with that you realise something dreadful.

He likes you. He thinks your cool. He wants to be friends with you. You like him. You think he's the most perfect human being to walk this plant, and you're friends with literal gods. You want

to marry him and you've known each other for half a day.

You need to talk to Persophone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, their dorms work like the dorms and wayne state, so theres a small rectangle area thats like the living room, and three other rooms


	4. ;3333

TG: persophone.

TG: persophone?

TG: persophone please fucking answer now is not the time to be drunk

TG: worst of times

TG:

tG: yello yuve reached pursopone

tG: *persophone

tG: ANd!!! Its Alwayz Time 2 be drunk

tG: ;333

TG: excpet for now

TG: listen 

TG: remember that guy im here for?

tG: hiw could i forget?/??////?

tG: shat bastard iz da eason dat my brofers gone

tG: my FAV bros gone1!1

tG: :(((

TG: ok cool nice that u remember but hes my roomate and i think im in love

tG: WAHH!/11/??!1

tG: how daa happen???

tG: the roomate thin

tG: wait.,..

tG: did u PLAN THIS?

tG: cus no one can be THAt lucke!

tG: lucky*

tG: not evn us!

TG: well thats because its litreally thw orst thing that could ever happen to me

tG: wah? How cus this seems

tG: A

tG: M

tG: A

tG: Z

tG: I

tG: N

tG: G

tG: !!!

TG: persophone now isnt the time to spell out words

TG: also, did u not read the part were i said that im in love

tG: no i read it

tG: AND

tG: IM

tG: SO

tG: HAAPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

tG: ☆*･゜ﾟ･*\\(^O^)/*･゜ﾟ･*☆

TG: im happy that my anguish is my sisters enjoyment

tG: oh stop being so drmatic!

tG: *dramatic

tG: this shuld be a good thing!

tG: *should

TG: well its not

TG: but thats not the point

TG: why are you happy about this

TG: if we fall in love and gget married, no mortals will remeber Apollo exsisted. not even john cus hell only know strider

TG: ill lose all of the godly shit that i can do and ill never see you guys agian

tG: ohh

tG: thats a provlen

tG: *problem

TG: yeah

TG: and its not even like you guys didnt see this coming

TG: artimis, hermes, and dad said that i would fall in love

TG: so i dont wanna go back to home

TG: hello

TG: you there

tG: yeah im her

tG: *here

tG: im sorta stumped

tG: dont get me eroong i want u to be hapy!

tG: *wrong *happy

tG: but ur my brother

TG: Half brother

tG: i dont care if ur my half brother!

tG: ಠ ^ ಠ

tG: ANYWAYZ!!!!!!!

tG: i wnat u to be happy becuase i love you!

tG: *because

tG: but were FAMILY apollo! So i still want you to stay here with us, or a least vist!

TG: i know

TG: i know and im sorry

TG: but i dont thinkt hat hes gay anyways

tG: well that makes me more sad!

tG: dear old percy is slobberin and cryin all over her keyborad

tG: *keyboard

TG: its fine

TG: i didnt want to be in a relationship with him

TG: just friends

TG: BUT NOW IM IN LOVE SO THATS GONNA BE PAINFULL

TG: I was all like

TG: “when im done with college, i'll just text him from here and vist him”

TG: stupid me

TG: i honestly should have listened to Artemis

tG: ok

tG: doN'T let her here you say that\

tG: *hear

tG: and secondly!

TG: u didnt say firstly

tG: AND SECONDLY!!!

tG: you didn't know that you'd fall in love with him!

tG: youll bee completely fine

tG: *be

TG: actually

TG: I dont think you me or hermes will be ok

TG: cus guess what

tG: whaaaa???????

TG: you know that jake guy?

tG: herms boyf?

TG: *ex boyf

tG: whaattt?

TG: yeah

TG: idk when but they broke up probabky recent

tG: but he was JUST talking about how great his adte was!

tG: *date

TG: well he lied

tG: how do you know they broke up?

TG: which brings me to my next point

TG: john and jake are related

tG: john?

TG: thats mystery mans name

tG: that sounds familear

tG: *familiar

TG: I probably said itbefore 

TG: but anyways  
TG: listen to me

tG: lisienin!

tG: *listenin

TG: ok 

TG: so i need u to not tell dad, or hermes about them being realated or about how we know theyre not dating

tG: why? 

TG: if you tell dad about the whole relatedhe might chose middle ground and not let either of us talk to them

TG: and he probably has a good reason for why he lied

TG: is he my idiot little brother?

TG: yeah

TG: does he do stupid shit sometimes?

TG: of corse

TG: but he wouldnt do something so *pointlessly* stupid.

tG: yea

tG: i guess

TG: what

tG: oh nothin

TG: no what

tG: its just

tG: what if he had a resun

tG: *reason

TG: huh

tG: like

tG: what if he LIKES urth?

tG: and he uses jake as a reason to go?

tG: if i liked urth that much i would lie twoo!

tG: *too

TG: trust me

TG: you were only there for like

TG: 2 mortal weeks

TG: MAX

tG: and you said it was ok

TG: ive been here for like 3 mortal days and its ok

TG: imagine if someone like hermes staying here with no motivevation

TG: just

TG: chilling

tG: eha

tG: whatever

tG: i make more sense then you do rught know and im tiny wittle bit not druck

TG: are you sure

tG: yeAHS

TG: are you sure your not drunk

tG: yeash!

tG: im sorta distractid

tG: *distracted

tG: Artemis is messin with my crops!

tG: ╥﹏╥

TG: do you know why

TG: actually

TG: how are things going on at home

tG: doesnt matter!

tG: lets talk about your life

TG: nah

TG: i miss you guys

TG: just give me a synopsis

TG: the lowdown

TG: the obsolete hoedown

tG: OK!

tG: hermes is talkin about another fake date, hades is trying to hmu, dad is being dad, and artemis is messin with my crops!

tG: movin my crops around!

tG: pokin at em!

tG: (⋋_⋌)

TG: why

tG: dunno!

tG: k she stopped

tG: o waiy brb im getting kidnapped lmao

TG: wait what

tG: byeasbhdjdbfvs

=

=

=

=

=

=

**(tipsyGnostalgic) is offline!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> persophone got soberer throughout the conversation hence the decline in typos. also the gods use pesterchum beta kids use normal numbers and the trolls use trollian ε(*´･∀･｀)зﾞ


	5. scream.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dave has a panic attack and passes out. John tries to help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: dave has a very bad panic attack based on an anxiety attack I had a little while ago/sorta somnophilia?  
im not sure if i wrote the panic attack good, i know how it feels but im not sure i put it into words well, i kinda suck at that :T  
i tried to be dark and sorta try something differnt but im not sure if im a fan? tell me what u think cus idk  
Also!! im sorry i haven't been updating, ive been kinda unmotivated on how to continue the story from that point, but i got a rlly good idea recently so i think ill be fine for a while!

Your pacing back and forth -you don't even don't why you're doing that because you can't even fathom a  _ single fucking cohesive thought what the hell- _ and trying to call your idiotic brother Hermes. 

He isn't picking up.

His sister was just kidnapped and he's not answering the phone and you're going to kill your entire family and then kill them again.

You stop dead in your tracks and just fall to your knees, and lurch over yourself, holding your upper chest because it feels like your heart is about to fall out. Nobody's listening, nobody's answering, you feel so alone and by yourself that your breathing is getting hard and uneven, it's getting even harder to move and your vision is getting blurred, and you're trying to scream for help, for  _ something,  _ to grasp something with your paralyzed hands-

But you can't.

It doesn't even feel like you're in your own body anymore.

It feels like you are watching yourself from the corner of the room, not observing, not trying to help,.Detached from your body, you can hear silent chimes. It's most likely your phone. It's most likely john. 

You ignore it.

Because your consciousness is doing nothing but watching. Nothing more, in plain English,

Watching.

Watching yourself have a panic attack because nobody is listening,

Watching yourself gasping for air like you were punched in the stomach,

Watching your eyes dart around the room looking for some vague object to help you,

Watching yourself lose all feeling in your legs and arms, and watching your cheeks turn the lightest blue from your blood rushing to your head, Watching yourself try and make a sound trying to make any sound trying to  _ scream- _

And you do.

A blood-curdling scream that makes your throat hurt and makes your ears feel like they'll bleed if you keep screaming, but you keep going.

You keep screaming when john bursts through the door,

You keep screaming as he puts a hand on your back and yells what's wrong. 

You keep screaming until there's no air in your lungs.

You keep screaming until you can see again, and you see his eyes filled with horror and worry.

You keep screaming until you pass out.

And in your empty dream, you don't stop screaming, even if no one can hear it but you, you keep screaming.

Something feels so warm around you, but you don't stop

Because you can't lose her. 

Not again.

~

JOHN: hey, dave?

JOHN: Listen, I know I said it was fine and that we should go to bed but,

JOHN: we kinda ended abruptly ya know?

JOHN: like I feel like you were kinda out of it ya know?

JOHN: …

JOHN: You're probably asleep aren't you?

JOHN: Well, I have classes really early tomorrow so maybe if you could answer these when you wake up??

JOHN: ok I'm probably being really annoying, I should stop.

JOHN: bye dave

JOHN: see you in the morning!

JOHN: :B

You kinda don't want him to respond in the morning. You're not really the BEST guy when it comes to feelings, but Dave seemed...more than distracted. Like he just uncovered a deep revelation that could change the course of his life as he knows it…

Ha, wouldn't that be weird!

You change your clothes, take a melatonin and flop onto your bed and close your eyes...

You don't stop thinking about dave.

In fact, it gets worse.

You keep thinking back to watching movies with him, you keep thinking about how he would close his eyes and take a deep breath every time daddy cage said something cringe-worthy. How his hair is so fluffy that it bounces when he walks, and how he never took his shades off even before he went to bed apparently.

You go to sleep thinking of Dave and wake up to dave.

Well, not really. You wake up to Dave  _ screaming _ and you've never run so fast. 

YOu open his door and look at Dave, folded over, gripping his hair like if he were to pull, his scalp would come off. He's crying and dry heaving and screaming and it sounds like he's going to rip his vocal cords in half. You try and ask him what's wrong, but he won't stop screaming, your look at him, you're horrified, you just wanna help him so you put a hand on his back.

He screams louder. 

Then he stops.

He stops moving, he stops screaming, and he stops crying.

He blacks out.

You wipe your tears with your sleeve and look at him, your hands feel moist from the sweat on his back, he has beads of sweat from his forehead mixing with his tears. YOu can't leave him like this.

You drag him to the bathroom and take off his clothes. You start with his shades and try to take everything off as quickly as possible. You don't want your friend to wake up to you stripping him.

Your eyes are blurring with tears but you still rinse him and wash him with your own wash rag as your mother would. He sniffles in his sleep, and his skin is light pink from the warm water, but you don't stop until he smells like lavender. He looks so small. Delicate. Pretty even. He probably has dainty girl's hands.

You hold his hand. Just to check. You look at his hands, and for someone who broke so many desks in his childhood that he had to have cement blocks and wood plaques, he has beautiful hands. His fingernails are long for a boy, but short for a girl. He has freckles all over his body, but his hands have the lightest spray of them and you just want to trace each and every one of them. 

You kiss his hand and immediately regret it.

You can feel your cheeks get hot, and you can hear your heartbeat as if your heart just jumped to your throat. You look at his face and he's still sleeping.

Before you can think about it anymore, you drain the bath, dry him off, dress him, take his clothes and put them beside his bed, and put  _ him  _ in his bed. Just as you're ready to leave you think. Thinking is never good but maybe this time it’ll make something better. You think about how it would make him panic to be alone, you wouldn't want to be alone after…whatever that was. 

You take an unconscious dave to your room. It only makes sense though, you have a full bed and he has a twin, it would only make sense right? 

You lay him beside you and lay on your side, when he wakes up he'll be looking at the ceiling and you'll be looking at him. 

That's fine. 

Nothing weird about bros being bros, helping a chum out after having a mental breakdown eh? You put your arm over his stomach and hold him close to you, like a teddy bear. 

Even after a bath, even after him being in  _ your  _ bed, surrounded by  _ your smell _ he still smells like dave. Dave smells like incense, sunlight, and lavender. 

He smells so pretty.

You get closer to him, there's only an inch separating your lips from his cheek. 

You look at his lips, they’re pink and parted and they look so  _ god damn soft _ . 

You slowly swipe your thumb across his bottom lip, then do the same to yours. You get closer to him, and just rub your lips against his cheeks. 

It's not gay, you're not  _ kissing him _ . Just. Appreciating how soft he is as a person. 

You close your eyes, and accidentally fall asleep with Dave right next to you.


End file.
